Being Part of an Open Marriage, or How I Became a Lover of a Faithful Husband
I have been in open relationships before but I always looked with amazement and admiration at open marriages. People with children, mortgage and 20 years of marriage experience deciding to open themselves to other partners. This is an unprecedented phenomenon.
Of course, the main reason is the lack of a satisfying intimate life, monotony, and the so-called “panic before closing”. People in dying marriages are afraid that they didn’t experience anything exciting in their lives, so after several rescue attempts, they decide to divorce. Why, however, not try and rebuild a relationship unconventionally and open up to other people? At the same time maintaining deep feelings for each other and giving up only physical exclusivity? I am full of admiration for people who are deciding on this step. They are trustful, scared and desperate. However, it is different to look at this phenomenon from the outside than from the inside. I had the chance to experience this from the source itself.
It started innocently. I met a man on SugarDaters. He seemed shy and confused; it was his first time in this environment. He did not have a profile photo or a comprehensive description of himself. However, he did not seem horny or desperate. I decided to open the topic and meet him. I wanted to find out if there is chemistry between us and a chance to build a deeper connection. He was a typical daddy type. Balding, gentle and sad. Immediately, the maternal instinct woke up inside me. I wanted to take care of him, give him some warmth and comfort. At the end of the meeting, he informed that his wife knows about his actions and supports them. “Respect for her,” I thought.
Our relation developed at its own pace. We got to know each other, our lives and sexual preferences. He became happier, full of energy and willing to explore. He confessed to me that his marriage is waking up to life – that passion and chemistry reappeared between him and his wife. I didn’t have deep feelings for him. I wanted to make him happy, and I myself got humble benefits from it like quality time and gifts. The situation got complicated when after a few months he told me he loved me and was leaving his wife. I was in shock. I did not want a full-time relationship with a wounded and lost man. The reason for his decision was fear that if the stage of an open marriage ends, he will return to the old habits and the energy will disappear. Understandable.
However, I was unable to take responsibility for the breakup of their marriage. I was there to improve the quality of their lives and not cause a catastrophe. He told me that when the wife found out about the divorce, she threw herself into the whirlwind of romance. They both got lost.
My rejection was a huge blow to him. An open relationship or a marriage can be a great solution for a moment. However, as soon as there are feelings involved, the situation becomes more complicated. Meetings with a lover should be based on sexual exploration, not building a relationship. Marriage and love are waiting for you at home; outside you have the momentary pleasures. My mistake was not noticing his commitment. As far as I know, the situation ended amicably. After the madness, his wife returned to the lost husband and sadly, they continued their monotonous life richer with new experiences.